Kindergarten.

For months, I've been trying to wrap my brain around Ian going to kindergarten this year. How can he possibly be big enough? He's still little.

Tomorrow morning we'll take him to the bus stop and wave goodbye for the very first time. And my heart is breaking.

As I was reading to and rocking Lauren tonight, I realized I was sitting in the same exact chair where I rocked my very first baby for the very first time. My baby who is heading off into the big world tomorrow.

He's excited. He doesn't seem nervous at all. And maybe that makes me even more sad? I like having all my chicks in the nest. I might complain about it sometimes and I might pull my hair out while being driven to the brink of insanity by them, but they're my chicks and I like them here with me.

I don't want to send Ian off to spend the better part of his waking hours with someone else. I don't want someone else teaching him, watching his little hands create.

I'm really, really going to miss him.

I think you don't ever fully understand until the moment you're packing that very first lunch, locating and labeling all the supplies, helping him pick out what shirt he wants to wear. It's the first day of the rest of his life... his life where he's apart from me. And it's sad for me. And I'll probably cry most of the night. Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow with a brave face and at least wait until the bus pulls away to sob into Roger's chest. How can we be here already? The night before Kindergarten.